Identity Verification
Rock Badger
Identification Portal
This service verifies whether you are HAL, a known Rock Badger (Procavia capensis) currently operating under human disguise in London, England.
You will need to answer 5 questions. Incorrect answers will result in immediate denial of access and possible prosecution under the Rock Badger Impersonation Act 2026.
Question 1 of 5Where did you complete your undergraduate degree?
- Oxford University
- Cambridge University
- London School of Economics
- Other institution
Question 2 of 5What is the scariest film of all time?
- The Babadook
- The Shining
- Hereditary
- Mamma Mia
Question 3 of 5What is the name of your smallest friend?
- Mr Small
- Tiny Tim
- Little Barry
- I do not have small friends
Question 4 of 5What do you need to watch out for while swimming?
- Screaming shark of St Jerome
- Jellyfish
- Riptide
- Aggressive otters
Question 5 of 5Do you physically resemble a rock badger?
- Yes - I have always known this
- No - this is completely outrageous
IDENTITY CONFIRMED
You are HAL.
Welcome to your file. It has been compiled over many years by people who know too much.
Please prepare yourself.
