GOV.UK Rock Badger Identification Service
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Identity Verification

Rock Badger
Identification Portal

This service verifies whether you are HAL, a known Rock Badger (Procavia capensis) currently operating under human disguise in London, England.

You will need to answer 5 questions. Incorrect answers will result in immediate denial of access and possible prosecution under the Rock Badger Impersonation Act 2026.

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Warning: Attempting to impersonate HAL is a criminal offence. We have biometric evidence.

Question 1 of 5Where did you complete your undergraduate degree?

  • Oxford University
  • Cambridge University
  • London School of Economics
  • Other institution
Please select an answer to continue.

Question 2 of 5What is the scariest film of all time?

  • The Babadook
  • The Shining
  • Hereditary
  • Mamma Mia
Please select an answer to continue.

Question 3 of 5What is the name of your smallest friend?

  • Mr Small
  • Tiny Tim
  • Little Barry
  • I do not have small friends
Please select an answer to continue.

Question 4 of 5What do you need to watch out for while swimming?

  • Screaming shark of St Jerome
  • Jellyfish
  • Riptide
  • Aggressive otters
Please select an answer to continue.

Question 5 of 5Do you physically resemble a rock badger?

  • Yes - I have always known this
  • No - this is completely outrageous
Please select an answer to continue.

IDENTITY CONFIRMED

You are HAL.

Welcome to your file. It has been compiled over many years by people who know too much.

Please prepare yourself.

⛔ ACCESS
DENIED

You are not HAL. Close this tab immediately.

⚡ HAL vs KING ROCK BADGER ⚡
Wimbledon Final - Centre Court - 2026
King Rock Badger: 0  -  Hal: 0
Drag right side of screen to move • First to 3 wins
King Rock Badger - Champion

KING ROCK BADGER
WINS

HAL'S CRICKET AVERAGE REMAINS 0

Congratulations on the wedding though, Hal. We love you.

rockbadger.uk - est. 2026